Church-Based Mentoring: A Strategy for Making Generation-to-Generation Connections in Your Church

I had a dream a few nights ago. (No, it wasn’t some inner Freudian wish to give a Martin Luther King, Jr. speech to the masses!) In my dream “senior saints” were actively involved with the teenagers in the church. Some older ladies were showing some of the girls how to quilt. Some of the World War II vets were telling true war stories to the young men who had developed their own battle plans on the latest version of “Call of Duty” video game. The various generations were praying together, laughing together, and sharing their own experiences of what it’s like to live for Christ in their own generation. The most amazing aspect of this dream was that there seemed to be a genuine appreciation for each other’s music. The teens were gaining an appreciation for the majesty and dignity of the older hymns - and the seniors were learning to listen to the energy and passion of the newer contemporary Christian worship choruses.

Then I woke up.

If the truth be told, this “vision” is more real than I could ever imagine. Maybe it’s time to put the brakes on the ever-developing Generation Gap. Maybe; just maybe – we’ve got it wrong in the church.

Where did we get the idea that it was wise to segregate the generations? Why are the “senior saints’ in the church library, while the young people are in the basement? Even though I am a fan of many aspects of peer ministry (for instance, I’ve spent most of my life specializing in youth ministry); perhaps we should be much more intentional about developing growing and loving intergenerational relationships in our churches.

I think this is the idea behind Paul’s instruction to Titus for his first century ministry on the Island of Crete as described in Titus 2:3, “Older women… may encourage the young women…”; and in his counsel to his disciple Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:12, “Let no man look down on you because you are young, but be an example to the believers.” Paul made it clear that older people are to teach and encourage younger people – and young people should indeed be examples to other age groups. Believe me; the only way this can happen is if the generations have exposure to each other.

The key influencers here, of course, are parents. Parents must model these relationships in front of their children and they must be willing to encourage their own young people toward developing healthy and constructive relationships with other older adults. My wife and I are so thankful for the ministry other godly adults had on our own children in the formative years of their lives. We are greatly appreciative of Sunday School teachers, youth pastors, Christian coaches, missionaries, and other godly adults who cared enough to reach out to our kids. I also love the example of young John Mark in Scripture. He was a young man who grew up in the church (see Acts 12) and who was greatly influenced by other key adults such as Peter, Barnabas, and Paul.

So, how does a traditional church (one that is characterized by generationally-segregated programming) turn its focus toward intergenerational ministry? Friends, I am convinced that it starts with mentoring. Church leaders should do all they can to encourage the older, godly adults in church to actively and intentionally seek out younger people to mentor. Perhaps the church leaders could be involved in the selection process. Some adults may not have any experience being around young people and may struggle identifying younger people who could use a mentor. It would be wise for church leaders to identify needy young people – maybe those without strong, churched families of their own. But, in actuality - every young person could probably benefit from an older godly mentor.

The main point here needs to be emphasized. Effective mentoring begins with the potential mentor. Encourage and motivate older adults to take the initiative to make the contacts with potential protégé’s. It’s the older generation that needs to give back (to minister to younger people as an investment in the future) - and it’s the older generation that has the heritage, the wisdom, the maturity, and, perhaps, the resources (at least of time, insight, and discernment) necessary to serve as true mentors. So, this starts with the adults – and make sure that your adult mentors are people who genuinely love the Lord and who are actively living for Him. This is an ideal way for churches to practically engage their older adults in significant ministry as the older folks move into their later years. I tell youth workers all the time, “We get to old to play tackle football, but we don’t get too old to minister to kids.”

So, encourage your adults to make their first informal, non-threatening conversations with younger people in the church foyer. Adults should introduce themselves and make an initial first connection. As the relationship develops the adults should begin to ask simple questions that indicate an interest in the young person’s life. Questions like: “How’s school going?”, “What did you do in youth group today?”, or “How was the school concert last weekend?” The key here is to show interest in their lives. That’s how to begin a growing, personal relationship. Some young people may resist, but my experience has been that the majority of younger people will appreciate any healthy attention shown to them from significant adults.

At some point, encourage the mentors to find some time to pray together with the person they are trying to mentor. I really believe that God will use these brief times of prayer to help this relationship grow into something truly special for each person.

One of the highest hurdles facing a mentoring ministry is the process of carving out enough time to develop a true relationship. I have talked to several adults who feel as if they do not have the time to implement something like this into their schedules. Yet, my take on it is this, “Mentoring is NOT necessarily a commitment of extra time – it is ‘doing what you already do’, just doing it with younger people.” That’s another reason why I love church-based mentoring. These simple, but significant conversations and connections can and should happen at church. You are already there, so why not reach out and attempt to develop a growing and positive relationship with younger people? Maybe my dream will come true.

I cannot take the time in this brief article to outline all of the ideas of how mentoring connections could work. More information is available in my book Mentoring the Next Generation: A Strategy for Connecting the Generations (published by Regular Baptist Press, ISBN: 0-87227-997-9.) That book is now available from Vision For Youth for only $5 per copy. Just send a note to: info@visionforyouth.com. Sorry, VFY does not take credit cards.


Vision For Youth is also hosting a National Mentoring Summit on March 5, 2011 in Clarks Summit, PA for all church leaders interested in developing a church-based mentoring ministry and more specific instructions will be presented then. Watch for more details on this new training seminar from VFY.