Friday, May 27, 2011
5 Things Parents Want From The Youth Ministry
Youth ministry, is really a ministry to parents. As veteran youth worker Dewey Bertolini said, “Our ultimate effectiveness with teenagers may depend upon our concerted effort to gain an influence in the homes of our youth.” Sure, youth workers can have a real impact on the lives of impressionable youth, but our most effective long-term ministry may indeed be our entrance into the lives and hearts of parents.The Lord has given my wife and me the opportunity to lead several seminars and workshops over the past few years for parents of teenagers and preteens. (This only means that “we’re old”; our kids are grown.) This experience has convinced us that many parents are looking for the following five things from the church: communication, training, fellowship, encouragement & support, and resources. We have talked to hundreds of parents of teenagers and preteens in churches of various sizes all across the country. These interviews give ample credence to our belief that every church should include these five priorities in its ministry to parents.
Parents want to know what’s going on in the youth ministry. What are you teaching their kids, and what are you doing with their kids? These are the imperative questions for any youth worker. Make sure that the parents know what you are doing. Well-known youth ministry author Doug Fields quotes one parent, “I would rather have over communication than none at all. It shows leadership and it gives me confidence I know what is going on.”
I encourage all youth workers to regularly communicate in every way possible to parents. Don’t assume that the teens will get the information to their parents. This is your responsibility. Utilize your youth group Web site, e-mail, texting, newsletters, the church bulletin, announcements, phone calls, mailings, and all other means of communication at your disposal to get the necessary information to parents. I know several youth workers who schedule regular informational meetings with parents so that they do not have any excuse for not knowing what the youth ministry is doing.
Training
Parenting is a difficult task even for the best of parents. It seems ridiculous to me that churches don’t make training and equipping for parents more of a priority. This responsibility is one of the most important tasks we face, and yet we often go into parenting so unprepared. It has also been reported that church growth guru George Barna has stated that parenting classes might be the most effective means of community outreach in contemporary culture. It is no wonder, then, that so many parents of teenagers have told us that they wish their churches would provide specific means of training.
There is a very real tension here, though, because many church youth workers are younger than the parents of teenagers. I personally faced this apprehension as a young youth pastor, right out of college and trying to relate to the parent of teens and preteens in my church. I discovered that I could talk to them about the big picture of youth ministry without trying to state that I was some kind of expert on being a parent of teenagers. Frankly, I didn’t have a clue how to be a parent, but I did come in contact with several teenagers in church each week, and I also made weekly visits to multiple high schools in our area. I couldn’t tell them about how to raise their own kids, but I could share my own observations and conclusions about teenagers in general and the overall picture of youth culture.
I came to the conclusion that I couldn’t provide specific training in how to be a parent of teenagers (I was too young in those days), but I could make other “experts” available to them. So, I utilized our senior pastor (he and his wife had grown kids) and other adults with parenting credibility in our church to lead parenting classes and workshops for younger parents. We also brought in outside parenting specialists for training and provided other training tools for our parents of teens and pre-teens to utilize on their own.
Fellowship
The third thing that parents need from church is fellowship. I believe that parents of teenagers desperately need fellowship and interaction with other parents of teenagers to show them that they’re not in this all alone. They also need fellowship with people from other age groups as well, especially with parents who have already raised their own children. Wise youth workers will help parents make these kinds of connections through various church programs and ministries.
I want to share another idea with you. Why not try planning some activities each year for parents and teenagers to attend together? Mark DeVries, the author of Family-Based Youth Ministry, touts this idea is his book. He writes, “I began with this rule of thumb: if it works with teenagers, try it with youth and parents together.” Maybe he is on to something.
Encouragement and Support
Parents need regular sources of encouragement and support. Ideas abound. The key here is to do everything you can within the youth ministry to show parents of teenagers that you appreciate the work they are doing in raising their kids for the Lord.
Resources
Finally, youth workers should do all they can to provide parents with some helpful resources and materials for parenting. These resources are plentiful today – check the Internet and your local Christian bookstore. Perhaps you could create a library of sorts within your ministry for parents to check out books, CDs, DVDs, or other practical resources to help them with their kids. You’ll need to be discerning about what kind of materials you provide for them. You should read or watch everything first and only then make those resources available that you would personally endorse or recommend. You may also want to involve the senior pastor in that process. Ask him to list some resources that he finds helpful for parents of teens and preteens.
As you gather resources for parents, don’t forget the “people resources” that are a part of your church or community. What about doctors, police officers, child advocacy experts, lawyers, and counselors? Sometimes parents need these kinds of resources as well. Proverbs talks much about the “multitude of counselors.” It is my experience that a church can make some crucial contacts for parents when they are going through difficult times with their kids.
It is very important for all youth workers to remember that they are not the parents of teenagers. Ultimately, parents are responsible for the spiritual maturity and well-being of their own teenagers. I am afraid that some youth workers inadvertently take on too much pressure by almost trying to be a parent to the majority of students in the youth group. This isn’t the best solution. Wise youth workers will work to add the above listed ingredients into the fiber of their youth ministries. This strategy will encourage parents and will help to get them on your side. We must not forget that the most effective youth ministry is undoubtedly a ministry that includes parents as a major focus. May God bless you as you seek to minister to parents of teenagers!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
5 Things: Here Are Some Characteristics of Church Ministries That Help Young People Go On For God
So, what type of youth ministry helps its high school graduates transition into the overal life of the church - and what kind of church builds its various ministries harmoniously around a consistent philosophy? It is a powerful thing when the youth ministry, adult ministries, and parents and families are all on the same page. We must not forget that God instituted two distinct institutions – the family and the church. (By the way, there are some excellent books available that tout this same premise such as Think Orange by Reggie Joiner; Together by Jeff Baxter, and Family-Based Youth Ministry by Mark DeVries.)
I am absolutely convinced that a church’s ministry philosophy must be consistently applied and implemented throughout its’ structure and programming for all age groups. Of course, your children’s ministry will look differently than your ministry to teenagers and other generations. The various age groups have different needs, different methods of learning, and will be at varying levels of maturity. However, the philosophy and direction of ministry should be the same. The purpose or objective should be the same. All ministries must be focused on developing genuine and lasting spiritual maturity (Matthew 28:18-20, Ephesians 4:11-16, and 2 Timothy 3:10-17.) We are all trying to produce people who live for God and who go on growing in Him throughout their lives.
Here are 5 suggested ingredients that all churches should endeavor to include then within the fabric of their total program for all age groups.
1. Life-Related Bible Teaching – James 1:22 “…prove yourselves doers of the word and not merely hearers…”
Youth ministry has long led the way on incorporating the Bible into its structure. Youth ministry has taught us all about the importance of daily devotions, Scripture memory, and preaching via the ubiquitous “youth rally.” But, one of the most important aspects of youth ministry has been its emphasis on implementing Biblical truth into life. Youth workers understand that the ultimate test of Bible teaching is not a one-hour lecture on Sunday mornings. It’s living out your faith 24-7, all week long. That’s something the church as a whole must learn – from the Sunday morning worship services to the adult Bible fellowship classes. High school students who have experienced the value of life-related Bible teaching while they were in high school would be much more likely to successfully transition into adult ministries if the church as a whole was set up to do that as well. This fact should be a clear mandate for all church leaders to make sure the Bible is indeed taught this way throughout every ministry of their churches.
2. Strong Inter-Generational Connections – 1 Thessalonians 2:8 “Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us.”
It is imperative for churches to be intentional about developing positive, growing, and Godly inter-generational relationships. (That’s why I am such a fan of church-based mentoring. There are several posts on this subject on my blog below.) Older people need to see and sense the life, energy, and enthusiasm of youth; and younger generations need to learn from the wisdom, maturity, and life-experiences of older people. This mutual sharing and the life connections generated by it are what the church is all about. I really believe that high school graduates and young adults are much more likely to stay active in church if they have developed healthy and growing relationships with significant older adults. Young people are prone to walk away if their only true relationships in the church are with people their own age.
3. Parental Consistency – 2 Timothy 1:5 “For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure it is in you as well.”
Remember high school algebra? If A = B and B = C, then A = C. In mathematics there are specific formulas with guaranteed, definite results. However, we all understand that the process of raising children does not come with pre-packaged, pre-arranged formulas. It’s not that easy. In fact, parenting is one of the most difficult, yet most rewarding adventures in life. It is through parenting that one generation passes along the priorities of faith, belief, customs, traditions, and even life itself. Parents are the ones who normally develop the habit of church attendance and involvement into the lives of their family members. Parents are the ones who can make participation in church youth group a top priority – even higher in importance than school work, activities, jobs, sports, or other involvements. If church (and faithfully living for God for that matter) is a top priority for parents and if they are consistent in demonstrating that priority to their children, it is much more likely that the kids will grow up seeing church involvement as important for their lives as well. It’s a manner of being genuine and being faithful over the long haul.
Churches and parents working in tandem will be a potent force in the lives of today’s Christian young people. As I mentioned briefly above, God developed two institutions – the family and the church. Wise parents and church leaders must work together with the common goal of seeing young people go on for God as they transition from infancy, through adolescence, and on into adulthood.
4. Local Church Involvement – Ephesians 4:11-16 “…held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part…”
It is important to remember that we are developing a ministry, not a program. Communities and man-made organizations can develop programs; but true ministry finds its’ foundation within the local church. It is imperative for “big church” and youth ministry to work together to make the church as a whole a place where everyone can be involved, not just attend. That’s the picture found in passages like Ephesians 4:11-16. Therefore, getting students involved must be a significant ingredient of overall church life. It should be the expected norm for most (if not all) church ministries to include an intentional, inter-generational mentoring aspect where older, established members train and develop younger members. Also, youth workers must begin to teach and train young people to serve the Lord in and through the local church, to give financially to the church, and to actively participate in church-wide endeavors such as preaching, discipleship, fellowship, outreach, and worship. We must remember that we are involved in one church – not various age-group churches meeting separately in the same building.
5. Welcoming & Accepting Body – 2 Timothy 3:14-15 “You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings…”
There’s a final ingredient which also must be addressed, and that is the important of making intentional and purposeful transitions between the various generational ministries of the church. Children, adolescents, and adults are uniquely different generations and therefore require unique and distinctive peer-based approaches to ministry. I believe in the generational advantages of age-based children’s ministry, youth ministry, and adult ministry. But, let’s face it; most churches are notoriously weak at helping people transition between the various ministry age groups. Youth workers should help pre-teens transition into youth ministry, and the church must help graduating high school seniors and maturing young adults transition into the overall life of the church. Too many times, we kick graduating high schoolers out of youth group without helping them transition into the church’s adult ministries. Again I’ll refer to researcher Chap Clark who says that a teenager needs strong relationships with 6 adults in the church (other than parents) in order to keep going to church once they graduate from high school. Churches should work hard to develop an accepting and welcoming environment in their adult ministries that actually encourages young people to actively participate in the life of the church.
Maybe I’m being somewhat idealistic here, but I believe this can happen. I believe that various church ministries must be on the same page, with the same objective – to see our maturing and growing young people grow up and go on for God! I really believe that if “big church” was organized purposefully to include the very best aspects of youth ministry and if churches developed a harmonious and unified philosophy of ministry throughout the various age groups, our young people would be much more likely to remain actively involved in church as teenagers and beyond their adolescent years long into adulthood.
I am absolutely convinced that a church’s ministry philosophy must be consistently applied and implemented throughout its’ structure and programming for all age groups. Of course, your children’s ministry will look differently than your ministry to teenagers and other generations. The various age groups have different needs, different methods of learning, and will be at varying levels of maturity. However, the philosophy and direction of ministry should be the same. The purpose or objective should be the same. All ministries must be focused on developing genuine and lasting spiritual maturity (Matthew 28:18-20, Ephesians 4:11-16, and 2 Timothy 3:10-17.) We are all trying to produce people who live for God and who go on growing in Him throughout their lives.
Here are 5 suggested ingredients that all churches should endeavor to include then within the fabric of their total program for all age groups.
1. Life-Related Bible Teaching – James 1:22 “…prove yourselves doers of the word and not merely hearers…”
2. Strong Inter-Generational Connections – 1 Thessalonians 2:8 “Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us.”
It is imperative for churches to be intentional about developing positive, growing, and Godly inter-generational relationships. (That’s why I am such a fan of church-based mentoring. There are several posts on this subject on my blog below.) Older people need to see and sense the life, energy, and enthusiasm of youth; and younger generations need to learn from the wisdom, maturity, and life-experiences of older people. This mutual sharing and the life connections generated by it are what the church is all about. I really believe that high school graduates and young adults are much more likely to stay active in church if they have developed healthy and growing relationships with significant older adults. Young people are prone to walk away if their only true relationships in the church are with people their own age.
3. Parental Consistency – 2 Timothy 1:5 “For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am sure it is in you as well.”
Remember high school algebra? If A = B and B = C, then A = C. In mathematics there are specific formulas with guaranteed, definite results. However, we all understand that the process of raising children does not come with pre-packaged, pre-arranged formulas. It’s not that easy. In fact, parenting is one of the most difficult, yet most rewarding adventures in life. It is through parenting that one generation passes along the priorities of faith, belief, customs, traditions, and even life itself. Parents are the ones who normally develop the habit of church attendance and involvement into the lives of their family members. Parents are the ones who can make participation in church youth group a top priority – even higher in importance than school work, activities, jobs, sports, or other involvements. If church (and faithfully living for God for that matter) is a top priority for parents and if they are consistent in demonstrating that priority to their children, it is much more likely that the kids will grow up seeing church involvement as important for their lives as well. It’s a manner of being genuine and being faithful over the long haul.
Churches and parents working in tandem will be a potent force in the lives of today’s Christian young people. As I mentioned briefly above, God developed two institutions – the family and the church. Wise parents and church leaders must work together with the common goal of seeing young people go on for God as they transition from infancy, through adolescence, and on into adulthood.
4. Local Church Involvement – Ephesians 4:11-16 “…held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part…”
It is important to remember that we are developing a ministry, not a program. Communities and man-made organizations can develop programs; but true ministry finds its’ foundation within the local church. It is imperative for “big church” and youth ministry to work together to make the church as a whole a place where everyone can be involved, not just attend. That’s the picture found in passages like Ephesians 4:11-16. Therefore, getting students involved must be a significant ingredient of overall church life. It should be the expected norm for most (if not all) church ministries to include an intentional, inter-generational mentoring aspect where older, established members train and develop younger members. Also, youth workers must begin to teach and train young people to serve the Lord in and through the local church, to give financially to the church, and to actively participate in church-wide endeavors such as preaching, discipleship, fellowship, outreach, and worship. We must remember that we are involved in one church – not various age-group churches meeting separately in the same building.
5. Welcoming & Accepting Body – 2 Timothy 3:14-15 “You, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the sacred writings…”
There’s a final ingredient which also must be addressed, and that is the important of making intentional and purposeful transitions between the various generational ministries of the church. Children, adolescents, and adults are uniquely different generations and therefore require unique and distinctive peer-based approaches to ministry. I believe in the generational advantages of age-based children’s ministry, youth ministry, and adult ministry. But, let’s face it; most churches are notoriously weak at helping people transition between the various ministry age groups. Youth workers should help pre-teens transition into youth ministry, and the church must help graduating high school seniors and maturing young adults transition into the overall life of the church. Too many times, we kick graduating high schoolers out of youth group without helping them transition into the church’s adult ministries. Again I’ll refer to researcher Chap Clark who says that a teenager needs strong relationships with 6 adults in the church (other than parents) in order to keep going to church once they graduate from high school. Churches should work hard to develop an accepting and welcoming environment in their adult ministries that actually encourages young people to actively participate in the life of the church.
Maybe I’m being somewhat idealistic here, but I believe this can happen. I believe that various church ministries must be on the same page, with the same objective – to see our maturing and growing young people grow up and go on for God! I really believe that if “big church” was organized purposefully to include the very best aspects of youth ministry and if churches developed a harmonious and unified philosophy of ministry throughout the various age groups, our young people would be much more likely to remain actively involved in church as teenagers and beyond their adolescent years long into adulthood.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Would Your High School Grads Stay If "Big Church" Was More Like Youth Ministry?
Of course, the root of this situation lies within the family. Parents are the primary influence over their children even as the kids age into their late teenage years. But, ecclesiastically-speaking; what if the problem actually rests on “big church”? Maybe today’s students love and profit greatly from youth ministry; and because “big church” is nothing like the youth ministry, the kids hate it and therefore walk away looking for something else. Maybe youth ministry has it right. Let’s not forget that most people accept Christ and make lifetime spiritual decisions when they are young. Teenagers go on more short-term missions trips than adults – and more Christian teens share their faith than do Christian adults. I have wondered for years why we don’t manage our churches like youth groups. In fact, I have told youth ministry students somewhat factiously for years that if senior pastors would run their churches like youth pastors run their youth groups we would have more growing churches.
Please don’t dismiss this premise without thinking it through! I am absolutely convinced that this problem is serious enough that we should carefully examine the phenomenon from all sides of the issue. We must not dismiss a God-honoring, Biblically-based, and culturally-relevant ministry like youth work due to a prejudicial hypothesis or because of an over-reaction to statistics. A careful and historical look at youth ministry will reveal some amazing results from what now is being called “traditional youth ministry.”
I must admit however, that I have seen significant weaknesses in some local church youth programs. I have identified 5 of those deficiencies below. But, before we unilaterally accept these flaws and believe the idea that traditional youth ministry is failing, let’s also take a look at the kind of church youth ministry that is “working” and is producing Godly high school graduates who greatly desire to go on for Christ as adults. In my next post I will list 5 characteristics of effective youth programs, which can work in harmony with their entire churches to develop spiritually mature young people over the long haul.
5 Things: Here Are Some Reasons Why High School Graduates Might Walk Away
There may be certain common denominators within some churches that seem to lead to the mass departure of young people following high school graduation. Here are some of my observations:
1. Activity Based.
If the church's youth ministry is based upon programs and activities your graduates will probably walk away after they graduate. Young adults can and will find their entertainment elsewhere. The appeal of amusement parks and hayrides fades away fairly quickly. In fact, many youth workers tell me that some of their high school juniors and seniors are actually dropping out of youth group for the same reasons. (Youth workers, please be carful of running the same activity schedule year-after-year, so that your seniors have the same basic schedule as ninth graders. Believe me – they’ll get bored and frustrated with that kind of programming.)
2. “Program” Based.
Another reason why high school graduates walk away from regular involvement in church is if the youth group has been characterized by the rigid structure of a "boxed" youth program. These canned approaches are, in fact, designed to be terminal programs, with a specific, publicized ending point. There tends to be one final step or one top award to earn. That's the point. The students finish the program and they're done. What else is there to do? In the program-based approach to youth ministry it is very difficult to transfer the loyalty generated throughout the years of dedication to the program to the church as a whole. It's no wonder they walk away.
3. Personality Based.
A common indictment of many church youth ministries is the tendency to center the ministry around the strong personality of a charismatic and magnetic youth pastor or youth leader. Strong personalities may attract impressionable high school students - and it seems to make sense for churches to do that; until the inevitable transition between personalities. If the teenagers are attracted to and ministered to by the presence of one strong personality it will be very difficult for them to transition to into the ministries of the church as a whole without the involvement of that strong personality or other equally strong personalities.
4. Generationally Based.
A church is making a mistake if it totally separates its youth from the overall life of the church. In the long run this hurts students because they do not develop significant relationships with a number of influential adults. I have spent a long time specializing in local church youth ministry and I am a strong proponent of peer ministry. Christian kids need friendships with other Christian kids. Plus, teenagers have always been better than reaching their peers than adult youth workers. However, a balanced youth ministry must feature strong inter-generational connections alongside traditional peer-to-peer youth groups. Dr. Chap Clark has stated that in order for graduating teens to stay in church following gradation, they will need positive relationships with 6 adults other than their parents.
5. Narcissism Based.
Akin to the "activity based" youth ministry is a narcissistic approach where churches seek to entertain teenagers by providing almost everything they want. If the kids want to go skiing - they go on ski trips. If the kids want to go swimming - they take them to the beach. This approach will ultimately produce self-absorbed and self-centered graduates who believe the church is all about them. When they are asked to transition into the church's adult ministries, they'll struggle to fit into a program that is not centered around entertainment and narcissism. The undeveloped youth mindset may respond positively to an entertainment based approach, but adult maturity realizes there’s more to life than getting everything I want.
We’ve all seen youth programs like the ones I have described above. The tendency is to look at these flaws and come to the conclusion that all youth ministry isn’t working. Yet, it is imperative and essential to look at both sides of this issue.
I'll finish this article in my next post and will suggest "5 Characteristics of Church Ministries That Can Help Young People Go On For God."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
