5 Things Series: Helping Your Teens Transition Out of Youth Group

It is graduation time and a recent statistic from pollster George Barna caught my eye. “Only 38% of youth pastors and 36% of senior pastors say they frequently discuss college plans with their students.” (See the Barna Report, June 14, 2011.)


That’s amazing to me. The majority of pastors and youth pastors never talk to their high school graduates about what they are going to do after high school. Our kids are leaving the church after they graduate from high school and we are simply letting them walk away?

Pastors and church leaders, I wholeheartedly believe that there are proactive, but simple things you can do to help your church’s graduating seniors transition out of youth group and into the life God has for them as emerging adults. I ask you to prayerfully consider these suggestions and then take the action steps necessary to implement some of the following ideas into the fabric of your church even this Spring.

1. Schedule individual appointments with your church’s graduating seniors to talk about God’s will for their lives.

High school graduation is a tangible rite of passage in today’s society. It’s a big deal. Your high school graduates are transitioning from the cocoon world of their parents’ home and the church youth group into the looming and scary world of adulthood. So, be intentional about this fantastic opportunity and schedule personal appointments with each graduating senior in your church. Believe me, most of them are looking for some help on how to determine God’s will for their lives and they would greatly appreciate a gentle, yet probing talk from their pastor about that. Of course, many of your graduates have already made plans for their futures. Some are entering the work-force, others are going to college, and some maybe enlisting in the military. This is the perfect occasion to meet with each one of these members of your flock to talk with them about God’s plan and direction for their lives. (Don’t forget that this might also be the ideal time to give each senior a gift from the church honoring them for their high school graduation.)

2. Talk to the students’ parents to see if you can help them.

High school graduation is also the perfect opportunity to talk to the kids’ parents about the future. This is probably a time of high tension for them as well. They have fretted for years about the money for college or about what the world will be like for their children. A brief heart-to-heart pep-talk from their pastor or their kids’ youth pastor would be much appreciated. You can discuss how to help the grads stay connected to the church following graduation. You can also help the parents find a good, solid, Bible-believing church for their graduate in the city where they’ll be living next year. This talk would be a great encouragement to them.

3. Identify those you believe are called to full-time vocational ministry.

God is still in the business of calling young people to serve Him. Who knows? Some of them may be leaving your church youth group this year. Have you talked to them about vocational ministry? You could take this opportunity to talk to these individuals about the honors and privileges of serving the Lord full time. You might be able to offer them some practical advice on attending a Bible college or on what they can do now to prepare for full-time ministry later. If you have sensed that the hand of God is on certain individual students in your youth group, why don’t you talk to them about it? Now is the perfect time.

4. Develop a team of adults to keep in touch with the graduates while they are away from home.

Here’s another simple, but proactive idea for your church to consider. Why not build a team of adults in your church who will continue to communicate with your high school graduates after they leave your church? This team could consist of parents, grandparents, and other interested adults. You may want to also consider adding younger highs school students to this team as well. Encourage them team to secure the grads’ mailing address and phone number while they are away and to outline a specific plan to send them regular updates from the church – and perhaps even “care packages” while they are away from home. Of course, it is very important that your graduates know that their home church is praying specifically for them while they are in college or in the military. So, ask the team to keep the list of your church’s college students and members of the military in a conspicuous place on your church’s regular prayer list.

5. Recruit Godly, influential adults to welcome the high school graduates into the adult ministries of your church.

This may be the most important idea of all. In most situations, your church’s high school graduates would be no longer welcome in youth group. In our culture we tend to ask these new young adults to leave the youth ministry. Have you ever thought through this strategy? Where are they going to go? Youth ministry specialist, Dr. Chap Clark has said, “"In most churches, when adolescents leave high school, there are few programmatic options available for them much less a welcoming community that has committed to bring them into the life of the body." So, does your church have an intentional welcoming committee that is committed to making your church’s high school graduates feel wanted and welcome in the adult ministries? It has been my experience that college-age ministries are some of the weakest areas in our churches. This may be the time to change that. Your new young adults don’t want to be treated like teenagers any more. They want and need growing, healthy inter-generational relationships with other significant adults. Pastors and church leaders, let me remind you that this won’t happen unless you put together a specific plan, and it starts with the active recruitment of specific Godly adults who are committed to making this emerging generation feel welcome in your church.

Friends, I don’t know where Barna gets his information from, but I do know that the local church can be a powerful influence on the lives of our kids. Maybe we can work to change his statistic. Why not talk to your graduates this week?

Important New Book for Youth Workers

Friends, I have been reading Dr. Chap Clark's new book (actually an update and revision of his classic book, Hurt) Hurt 2.0 and I want to recommend it as must-reading for all youth workers, parents of teenagers, and anyone interested in today's teenagers. This book just came out and it contains some important research and observations about this generation of students. Be discerning, of course, and read it with an open mind. But, this is something you'll want to read ASAP!

5 Ways Parents Approach Youth Ministry

Let’s face it, a lot of youth workers view parents as almost one of the necessary evils of youth ministry. A friend of mine took a survey a couple of years ago in his network of approximately 400 youth workers. He asked them to name the biggest concerns they faced in local church youth ministry. The most listed answer was “parents of teenagers.”

In my last post I listed the “5 things parents want from the youth ministry”. In this post I am going to discuss the 5 basic ways that parents of teenagers approach youth ministry. It has been my experience that somewhere along the line all youth workers will face parents in each of the following categories:

1. Protective – Undoubtedly, you’ve heard the phrase “Helicopter Parents” – those parents who “hover over their kids” and are overly-protective of them. A recent survey reported that freshmen in college sometimes send and receive 11 text messages a day from their parents – and those were college students! We noticed during our summer youth missions trips that many of the participating teens used their cell phones to call their parents almost every hour. It’s true; we are ministering to a generation of hovering parents. My advice is to use this as an advantage and take every opportunity you can to communicate clearly and carefully to the parents of the teens involved in your ministry.

2. Afraid – Some parents are afraid and they worry about the negative influences facing their kids. These parents look at their kids’ peers as potentially harmful and manipulative. They also tend to see even the church youth ministry as a problem. The roots to this particular approach are often deeper than just surface negativity. There are some parents who seem to be pessimistic and critical about almost everything. Probably the best thing you can do to help these parents is to keep communicating to them the positive virtues and characteristics of the church and youth ministry.

3. Proud – Akin to the last approach is something I’ve seen growing over the past few years of my ministry. There are some parents who are so proud and arrogant that they feel as if they are the only ones who can have a positive influence in the lives of their kids. I’ve met some parents of teenagers who will not allow their kids to attend Sunday School or youth group because they see those ministries as a problem. This group of parents looks at other Christian youth and even church youth workers as part of the problem, so they do everything they can to keep their kids with them in everything – including school and church activities. Again, I believe that communication is the key to ministering to this group of parents. Show them Biblical examples of the church in action and help them see the advantages of building other Godly people into the lives of their children.

4. Idealistic – Some other parents are quite idealistic. They think that everything will turn out okay in the end, so why worry about anything. These parents are often somewhat permissive and lenient with their kids. Plus, this group will often prove to be materialistic in getting their kids anything they want. I suspect that in most cases, their motives are good. They want their kids to grow up to be positive and constructive citizens; it’s just that they try to smooth out all the feathers for their kids along the way. I have found that this group of parents may respond well if they see the positive aspects of youth ministry that includes actively serving the Lord and motivating students to enthusiastically share their faith.


5. Engaged – Praise the Lord for active, engaged parents. These are the parents who stay involved in the lives of their kids as they mature through adolescence and they are the ones who value the church’s youth ministry and realize how important it is for the family and the church to work together to help kids grow in Christ and go on for Him as adults. This is the group of parents you should try to recruit to be a part of your team of youth workers. They will have a positive influence on their own kids and will often help minister to other teens as well. Praise God for engaged parents of teenagers!